Not Smart Enough To Teach

This is the comment I just left on @paulbogush's blog:

This is the tweet I just wrote before I read this post:

Currently reading @paulbogush 's entire blog- realizing I can't do this. Not smart enough 2 b a math teacher! I have no clue what I'm doing!

As a first year teacher, I have nothing to fall back on. I want to have a classroom like what I think yours looks like but I have no idea where to begin. I have no experience to draw from and nothing to do if I can't create something cool. I have never experienced the classroom I want to have. I don't know anyone, maybe a few on Twitter, who has the math classroom I want. I can come up with all kinds of ideas for problem-based learning in social studies or english but not for math. Plus I'm afraid if I could create the problems, I wouldn't know the right answer. When I think about how these math concepts relate to real life, sometimes I don't know that they do. Why do I teach what I teach? I don't even teach yet! Grr. I am a combination of terrified, clueless, and frustrated.

I am currently watching @ddmeyer's dy/av videos on vimeo and taking notes. Yes, that is right. Next, I am tackling his blog, where each post usually makes me want to cry, tear my hair out, run away, or a combination of all three.

I have come to the conclusion that I have no clue what I am doing!

I plan on doing a lot of reading, twittering, and learning this summer. I also have to design my curriculum for the year. Where do I start?

The first thing I am going to do is declare "A Deep Thinking Day" (said in a deep-booming-movie-announcer voice). I am going to go somewhere away from my everything where I can be silent and really think about some things. That will be my foundation to start building my teaching curriculum. Here are some of the questions I plan on pondering...

• What does learning look like?
• How can I tell that learning is taking place?
• What should teaching look like?
• What are the real world/real life/ real job skills I want my students to take from my class?
• What do I want my classroom to look/feel/sound like? (Thanks to @paulbogush)

More specifically for lesson planning,

• What is my objective?
• What’s the best tool for it?
• Am I using the tool to the best of my ability? (All 3 via @ddmeyer)
• Will my students like this lesson? (@paulbogush again)

And those are just the basics. Notice that none of those questions involved math.

I feel overwhelmed, lost, confused, anxious, excited, and like I have no idea where to start. But I'll just start here. For now...