Tragic

Lost a student Monday night.

Not my student but in a school of 200, every student is 'my' student. My sister was close friends with the sister. Mom works in our middle school. Younger sister goes to our elementary school. Hard situation.

Students spent a lot of time confessing how mean they were and all the wrong things they did.

I cried more than a lot of teachers, and this wasn't even my student! I heard the sirens go by my house and the first thing I thought was, 'Dear God, don't let it be a studnet.' And then I didn't give it another thought. Couple hours later my mentor teacher texts me to call her asap. She answers the phone with 'I don't know know how to say this.' The thought that stuck with me all day was 'What if this was my student?' I honestly don't think I could handle it. I don't think I would have went to school. I am so attached to these kids. I would like them even if they weren't my students. They are just so darn likeable. I wanted to hug every one of them every time they entered and exited the room. Every time.

Some broke down just because this situation brought up other emotional memories.

Luckily, I had a few who did who have some funny memories and stories to share.

Others wanted to cry and some left because they didn't want to cry.

Students were given freedom to roam from teacher to teacher or to the gym to meet with counselors. At first we just sat around in awkward silence. Things got better as the day progressed. We decorated the room for Christmas, I printed out some Christmas coloring pages, we listened to music, and ended the day with a movie.

Visitation is tomorrow night and again Thursday morning. Funeral is also Thursday morning. What is the proper etiquette here? I told the principal I would go tomorrow night on my own. I don't feel like I should go to the funeral. We obviously have to get subs for the classes so I thought it would be more appropriate for me to stay and give the opportunity to those who actually taught the student.

Who really knows what to do in this situation.

Students held a candle light service tonight. A lot of them made signs they posted in the hallways and on his locker. We laid out paper in the gym so students can write memories but it mainly turned into a confessional.

Why couldn't we have said these things earlier?

I smiled at him in the lunch line if that means anything.

We just had a team of 9 girls go to a Lifesaves Training over the weekend on how to deal with situations just like this. And people made fun of it. Hopefully now they see that it's needed. Tonight they made ribbons to pass out too. I think the best comfort is in them being able to do somethign tangible, to contribute to a life.

My students suggested we use the money from our cussing jar and contrbitute to the family. I think that is a wonderful idea.

I'm just scared to think of how many students I let blend into the middle.

Who are you missing?