January Blues

Why did I choose to teach math?

I don't even know how this stuff will ever be useful in life.

Do the little things like encouraging students, building relationship, supporting them, making class entertaining, etc outweigh the big things, i.e. being mathematical geniuses?

How many of my students will go to college, really? How many will be unprepared?

I am just filling time and handing out grades. Assignments are meaningless and just to keep students under control. Grades are attached so they will actually do them. I grade on completion only and I'm still behind in grading. Students could do every homework assignment and still fail the test. There is no self-assessment going on. The formative assessment is basically pointless.

I can tell a huge difference in the students since starting a new semester- they are more forgetful, less likely to participate, and harder to control. Say a big thank you to me being the nice, popular teacher. They now know there are basically no consequences to anything they do.

I don't even know what learning or teaching is anymore. WHAT IS THE POINT OF LIFE?

Sorry, had to get that out.

I don't know how to make it about them and not me.

I thought I could make them care and I can't.

I thought I could make them better and I haven't.

I knew I could make them like me and they do.

I hoped I was smarter than I thought, but I'm not.